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The ache of the loss of an unborn child ♡

IMG_3834Hiiii everyone, some of you may be wondering why I’ve chosen such a personal topic to talk about. Well, when I was going through this myself I was endlessly searching the internet for guidance, advice and just someone that had been or was going through the same thing. There were very few. I know women are often too scared to discuss these sorts of awful situations but that should stop. Having a miscarriage isn’t a shameful thing that we should have to keep secret. The more I’ve opened up to people about it, the more they’ve opened up to me about their experiences and the mutual understanding of that pain helps in ways I can’t even explain. You don’t feel so alone anymore.

If I needed anything during my miscarriage, I needed someone to talk to. If I can offer a little more insight or even a listening ear or some reassurance that you are most definitely not alone, even if it’s a little impact, then I have achieved what I wanted to.

It all started on March 6th 2016, I took a pregnancy test and literally danced around the whole house (that’s no joke) with complete joy. I’ve been broody since my little girl was three months old and to finally have that positive test again just made my heart feel unbelievable amounts of joy. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. At random moments over the next few weeks I’d do my little excited wiggle whilst fist pumping the air, you know the kind because we all do it let’s be honest!

The next few weeks continued as normal, I told my colleagues at work, shared the exciting news with my family and I started to make plans for what this meant for my future. On April 8th 2016, I booked a private scan to ease my mind that the baby was okay, I hadn’t been feeling sick like I had with Esmé, even though I know every pregnancy is different, I wanted to put my mind at ease plus, I was too desperate to see my little baby to wait, I was having to wait a little longer for my NHS scan. I will never go for an early private scan ever again, it was the worst experience of. My. Life. After scanning me for about five minutes without saying a single word to me, I instantly knew there was a problem. I asked if everything was okay with no response, the sonographer just asked if I’d had any bleeding or pain. Which I hadn’t but my heart started to pound and I got this horrid heavy, sick feeling in my stomach. The sonographer went on to say that I was measuring less than I should have been, she said she couldn’t find a fetal pole, which at the time I had no idea what that was but I knew it wasn’t good. I burst into tears not really understanding what was happening but knowing something was wrong with my precious baby.

They sent me to sit in the waiting room with six other pregnant women, I tried to stop the tears from streaming but they just kept coming, everyone was staring at me. I sat and waited for 30 minutes with a million thoughts flying through my head of how I’m going to deal with this, I put my hand on to my stomach hoping that all would be okay and that my little baby was safe. They eventually sent me home expecting a report of what had happened that night. I was hoping the nightmare was over, but it was far from it.

I won’t go in to the nitty gritty details of the next few days but I will say, my midwife and the NHS staff were just incredible, so sensitive and kind and informative. They made a difficult time feel a little less overwhelming.

Every time I had a free minute or two I scoured the internet looking for positive stories, something that could give me hope that my baby was okay as I was waiting for more tests to know what was happening. Every symptom I experienced, I searched endlessly looking for answers of how it could mean that everything would be okay. I was desperate that my baby was safe. I felt like my one job was to protect them and I was failing terribly.

April 13th 2016 was probably the worst day I have ever experienced in my life. This is the day I lost my baby and the guilt filled my body like I’d never felt before. I cried more than I’ve ever cried in my whole life. My heart ached more than I’ve ever experienced before. It still does now, but it’s easing with time.

The weeks after I found out I was pregnant were stressful due to commitments I had and I couldn’t help but think that all of that stress was the reason I lost my little baby. I nit picked through my life from the past few months and was kicking myself as to why I didn’t do things differently and then maybe I would still have been protecting my baby instead of mourning their loss.

I look back at that day now and realise how silly that was. The one day in my life that I needed to be kind to myself and I was the harshest I’ve ever been.

How often are we so mean to ourselves? We wouldn’t ever take that from someone else so why allow ourselves to treat us in such a way? Maybe there were avoidable factors that played a part in the losing of my baby but would beating myself up about it make any difference? No, of course not. No one can be sure why it happens, why one in four women lose their babies. I always thought it would never happen to me and my heart went out to the women that went through it. Now it was me. One in four is not just a statistic, it’s me.

I wish I could take away the pain of every woman that has to experience losing their baby before even being able to hold them. If you’re going through this, don’t beat yourself up, don’t blame yourself. Unfortunately, this sometimes happens and we can’t stop it, I know these words don’t help because all you want is your baby. Be kind to yourself, your body and heart needs it most at this time. I’m told it’ll get easier over time and I can already feel that.

I’ll never forget my baby that I was so privileged to hold in my womb for that small amount of time, they will forever be in my heart. In honour of my precious, little baby every year, on November 8th I’ll remember my little baby and how much I love them. I’ll set off Chinese lanterns and remember that one day I’ll get to meet that precious baby and hold them as tight as I would have done on that day.

If you’re going through a similar experience and need a listening ear, just know you are not alone. I hope this helps in some way although it seems as if nothing will ease the pain, it will. You did nothing wrong, you are strong, you are brave and there is hope. The love for your baby will never end and that is something to hold on to.

Ohthatstacey

xo

 

Esmé is O N E ♡

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Hiiii everyone! Hope you’re all having as much of an amazing weekend as I am!

If you follow me on any of my social media sites then you will know that it has been my little girls first birthday and we had a party for her yesterday. I couldn’t not write a blog post about it, so here we are. I did a total DIY party and thought it would be good to share my successes and fails with you all, especially the parts that I think turned out pretty well.

I think when it comes to a first birthday you have to schedule each task that you need to do to help it all run smoothly. I found this helped for me but on a daily basis I am a total to-do list slut (ha ha) anyway. I got myself this perfect large note pad from Sainsbury’s that only cost £4, total bargain and super handy.

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Aaaaand its marble.. What’s not to love?

So, after I got myself organised and purchased everything I needed it was time to put my ideas together.. YIKES! I was at the venue from 10:00am until 17:00pm and it still wasn’t entirely finished but believe me when I say, it was SO worth it! The first thing I tackled was this beeaaauuutiful balloon arch that I am absolutely in love with and will definitely be attempting it again at other parties.

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It took about an hour and a half and two people’s breath but the outcome was just perfection and actually quite easy to achieve. I got some thick string, extra thick twine is perfect and these three coloured balloons, rather large which I think really helped with the end result. Once the balloons were blown up, I poked a hole in the end of the balloon at the bottom of the knot so that the balloon doesn’t pop and poked the string through. Repeated the same with all the balloons and they kind of placed themselves in to this beautiful arch shape, which makes me think having large balloons to work with is key. I tied the middle of the arch to a handle on the back drop and placed the ends of the arches on to the podiums. And the number one balloon added one of the finishing touches purchased from an instagram store @lulabellesxo (they sell gorgeous birthday decor). On the actual day I added some fresh flowers and leaves to finish off the look.

The table shown in the picture was the table for the little kiddie winkles and Esmé got to have the “throne” right under the balloon arch which made BEAUTIFUL pictures may I add. And those plates, all the heart eyes for them! They’re just pineapple plates placed over round pink plates from good old e-bay, cheap as chips and such a gorgeous affect (thought I best change up the description word to make things a bit more interesting haha). Also, what you may not be able to see in the photo is cellophane is over the top of the table to stop the babas from eating the table confetti, to protect the table cloth aaaand it also helps to scoop all the rubbish up at once and plonk it in the bin.. Win win!

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Here is a little close up of Esmé’s “throne” and the balloon arch. The flowers really pop out in this photo. That beautiful flower you can see is actually a wand and is just incredible, made by a lovely #momboss @vintage__belle if you have a daughter I definitely recommend checking out this insta shop because the pieces are just absolute perfection. HOWEVER, I can not be held responsible for what it does to your bank account!

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Next up, is the drinks table which always needs a little something to jazz it up in my opinion. I got this gorgeous birthday print and bunting from another lovely insta shop @lottieandlyla they fit in perfectly together and were also colour coordinated into the theme! I popped the print into a gold frame that I found and I really think it finished off the look. With some baby pictures and some pink flowers, what could go wrong really?!

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I didn’t do any games because most of the babas were too little and Esmé wouldnt have really understood what to do but I did have this little chilled out corner in the hall. Just added a teepee and popped some gold pom pom balls onto the top to fit into the theme, threw in some cushions and blankets with a little toy horse and it was an absolute hit with the littles…

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As you can see, it was definitely a hit with the birthday girl who dive bombed into it as soon as she had chance haha!

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I added a little photo booth area with a stand full of photo booth props which were super easy to make, you just stick little bamboo sticks on to the type of style card cut outs you want and tadaaa.. Endless amounts of fun. I popped up a tassel garland with some balloons and even added some of the spare pineapple plates and think it turned out really well and added to the whole theme of the party. This gorgeous pair seemed to have enjoyed themselves, the props must taste good too haha.

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I wanted to get some confetti helium balloons for the food table but totally ran out of time (what was I saying about how well a schedule works?) But actually think this worked out rather well. A few baby pictures and a one balloon.. Oh AND THAT CAKE!!! I will get on to that later. For the food, I did all finger food because I personally think that is easier. I can do a separate blog post on the food canapés that I created because we would be here all day otherwise. Comment below if that is something you would like to see. Little sneak peak… The food was a MASSIVE HIT! Processed with VSCO with m3 preset

Near the entrance I popped up a small gift table. I got a chalk board, I love the vintage feel to them. Placed a one balloon there with a flamingo print and I personally think it just added a little something extra in to the hallway along with some odd balloons placed here and there it looked super effective!

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Back to the food table, I made these cute little glass jars that are literally the easiest thing to create. I just got three food jars, cleaned them out and peeled off the label. Smothered the bottom of the jar in PVA glue and then poured glitter over each section so that it was even, let it dry and this was the finished result. I got the pom pom flowers from another gorgeous insta shop @la.pom.pom and these cute little glitter number ones are just card stuck on to bamboo sticks. I popped a few of them into some food plates and it looked super effective if I do say so myself.

Now, on to the cake. OH MY. OH MY. OH MY. I could have cried when I seen this cake because it was EVERYTHING I imagined it would be aaaaand more! I sent my ideas across to the ever lovely Georgina @sugarcrushbakes on instagram and she made my dreams come true. She even HAND MADE the flamingo topper. Honestly, just absolutely amazing. I will definitely be heading to Georgina for any cakes that I need in the future and recommend that everyone else does too. Not only does it look incredible but the taste, oh my word. It’s bannoffee cake and I can’t even explain to you how scrumptious it truly is so y’all have to go and grab yourselves one to give them a try! Promise you wont regret it 🙂

The birthday girl had just the most amazing day and so did I. Surrounded by family, friends, good food and disney music, exactly how a celebration should be. Is it too early to plan for the second? (haha).

Any ideas that you have from your little ones first birthday parties please share them with me! I absolutely love a good party and babies of course. Looking forward to the many more parties I’ll have to plan in the years to come.

Now, I’m off to get some sleep because this mama is tiredddd. This party planning isn’t for the light hearted that’s for sure!

Ohthatstacey

xo

Healthy life, happy life♡

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Hiiiii everyone 🙋

Hope you have all had a fantastic week and are enjoying your weekend.

Its been a tough one for me this week. I decided to kick start this healthy eating with all the motivation I have. I’m so unhappy with not only how my body looks right now but also how I feel. I know I’ve had a baby and I know my body will never be the same again and I don’t want it to be. I want it to be BETTER and I am more motivated than ever! What women’s bodies going through during pregnancy and labour is just absolutely incredible and I feel so unbelievably blessed to have experienced it all. Something I hope to experience a few more times throughout my lifetime. But, I want to be healthy AND happy.

While I was pregnant I didn’t really watch what I ate and I didn’t really find it important to monitor my weight gain. The next time I’m pregnant I want that to be different. I want to stay healthy so that it’ll be easier to get back into shape once the baby comes. I need to completely change my lifestyle.

I tried out a new gym class, it just about killed me. I thought I was going to vomit towards the end and that shows me more than anything how unhealthy I am. That is going to change. I’m planning on joining the gym and going to the different classes, they have a crèche there which is perfect to be able to exercise with my little baba as that is often the problem, finding time. I can’t use that as an excuse now.

I bought this AMAZING book. The Bikini Body 28-Day Healthy Eating & Lifestyle Guide by Kayla Itsines, it’s currently half price on Amazon so grab yourself a bargain! I promise you won’t regret it. I’ve started following her on insta, I suggest you do the same because she is super positive and motivating. Everyone needs a little bit of that when trying to get into shape. I LOVE food so trying out lots of new exciting recipes is getting me all excited aaaand the hubby is enjoying them too… win win!

A few of my faves so far have been:

Avacado and feta egg smash

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Fish and beetroot risotto

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So so delicious and healthy, you really cannot beat that! I’m excited about getting my body into a shape that I’m happy with and I’m excited to bring you all on that journey with me. Join me on my Instagram @ohthatstacey and my Snapchat @staceykins for regular updates. I’d love to have some extra motivation to keep me going!

Ohthatstacey

xo

The story behind Oh That Stacey

fstockphotosb-11Hiiii guys 🙋

Hope you are all having the most amazing weekend and partying hard ☆

I thought deciding on a name for my blog would be the easiest task of them all but actually, it was a whole lot harder than what I originally thought. I picked a few different ones before I finally chose ohthatstacey, a few which I’m a little too embarrassed to even talk about and a few that even my husband cringed at… ha ha.

My original was ‘My Unicorn Life’ because I love unicorns and I’d like to imagine my life is as sparkly and rainbowy as a unicorns is.. HA!

Probably a safe bet going with oh that Stacey, right? (If anyone has the blog name my unicorn life right now… YOU ROCK!!)

Anyway, the real reason I chose oh that Stacey is because that is my life! I’m clumsy (a lot), I say random things (a lot), I get my words muddled up and even forget what words to use when I’m talking 😳 aaaand I like to do crazy things like dance in my underwear every morning to My favourite music. That’s something everyone does though isn’t it? Don’t deny it! And if you really don’t do it, give it a try. It’s a GREAT start to the day, I promise.

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I can imagine people telling stories of me and the words ‘oh that stacey’ coming out of their mouth (I know for sure my husband says it in his head a LOT). So, what better name for my blog? The real me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not totally stupid, I can hold a intellectual conversation (I hope) and I can be serious when needs be but… I’m by no means perfect and neither is my life and I’m REALLY enjoying sharing this rollercoaster of my life with you. I hope you’re enjoying it too ♡

ohthatstacey

xo

'Tis the Season ☆

It’s  C H R I S T M A S   E V E !!

Wow, I am SO excited!! There’s a busy day of festive fun and a few last little bits to grab planned and then we’re going to settle down in our (matching) pjs and watch a Christmas movie.

Yes, that’s right. We have family MATCHING pjs and I’m just a little bit too excited about it!! Pictures to come later of course on my instagram page @ohthatstacey 🙂

First task of the day is to collect the turkey from the farm shop and I’m even ridiculously excited about that! Who doesn’t get excited about food though let’s be honest?

This time of year is just so magical. Families and friends coming together, showing love to one another and having fun. If only people were as happy all year round as they are at Christmas time!

A few years ago me, my mom and dad went to a homeless shelter on Christmas Day and helped dish out dinner and it was actually one of my favourite Christmas’ to date. Everyone was so happy, even though they had nothing in comparison to a lot of people at this time of year, they were still smiling and SO appreciative of the meal they were given. It really put things into perspective for me.

Christmas isn’t all about the gifts under the Christmas tree or the huge amounts of food we’ll all be scoffing. It’s about who’s around the Christmas tree and table with you. Those are memories that will never be forgotten. So this year, I’m going to focus solely on the fun and memories we can make as a family and throw myself into that joy. That’s what Christmas is all about.

So, I hope you all have the most love filled Christmas and that your day is the happiest that it can be.

Merry Christmas from my little family to yours ♡

ohthatstacey

xo

Food for thought

It’s coming to the end of another year (which is too crazy for me to believe) and that means it’s the time where people come to reflect on the time they’ve spent throughout the year.

A lot can change over a year, I look back to this time last year and my life is totally different, so so much better though. I have my little girl and she brings so much more joy than I ever could have imagined.

If I’ve learnt anything from this year I’ve learnt that being yourself and following your dreams the best way you can regardless of what others think is definitely the way forward. There’s going to be people that disagree with you, there’s going to be people that disappoint you in ways you never thought they could but there will be people that stick by you no matter what, make sure your life is full of the last kind of people.

Although, having people that disappoint you is a very good learning curve. It teaches you a lot and the most important thing is how you deal with those sorts of situations. ‘Have courage and be kind’ – Cinderella ♡

So, in the new year when challenges come, because they will, in whatever form just remember who you are, the things you’ve already overcome and most importantly where you’re wanting to go and the person you’re wanting to be. Cut out the negativity in your life and fill it with positivity because that is how you’re going to become the best you can.

If there’s something that you want then the only person that’s really standing in your way is yourself. So go get it!

Heres to following our dreams!

Ohthatstacey

xo

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